This post was started 2 weeks ago and I am just finishing it after working on it for the last three Sundays.  Sorry it is late news. 

It has been a crazy two weeks.  On the 14th of April at about 7:50 a.m. our time Sara called and said that Nathan had had a stroke.  At the time he was in surgery to remove the blood clot.  I asked if she wanted us to come and she said she thought they would be fine.  I continued to get dressed for church and then she called back and said that the doctors had said that we needed to get there within 24 hours. I thought she said that he had had a stroke in the main artery of his back just below the skull.  I later learned this was wrong and he had had a brain stem stroke but I continued with the first belief for about 24 hours.

I was panicked I texted all the kids and told them what the doctors had said. I didn't know who the doctors had said should be there but I felt that all the family should be there.  I later learned that Sara had also contacted all the family.  Amazingly, even though she had not talked to most of us for about 6 months because she was saying she wanted a divorce and Nathan was devastated, she invited all of us to stay at her house and to use her extra cars.

Maren, Lexie and Erick around the counter at Sara and Nate's

Larry and I went to Sacrament meeting but in retrospect maybe that was a mistake because after church we were not finding flights that left very early.  While in Sacrament meeting I kept getting phone calls from people in the family trying to find out more and trying to decide what to do.  I called Mom from the empty Relief Society Room and asked her if she could lend me some money to fly down.  She was crying as she said, "Of course I will" I had been hesitant to ask because she was already helping us.  I think I was able to hear only about 20 minutes of Sacrament meeting that day and because I had got up so many times to leave so some people asked me what was wrong.

Kirsten and BJ in the kitchen

We went home and were able to book a flight for 5:10 p.m.  Kirsten had asked Mom to help her too and so she booked our flight after we both looked for flights.  I was hoping to stay until Monday but she booked it to come back Sunday.  Later that was a blessing because Larry got a job call while we were in Texas that wanted him there on Monday at 4:00 p.m.  He has a job teaching at Eagle Gate College.  The later flight gave us time to think as we packed and several people from the ward time to come and visit.  Marla and Bruce Brinkerhoff gave us $100.00 to take with us.  That really came in handy for the little things that came up.  Several people offered hugs and assistance with the yard until we got back.

Just before we left to go to the hospital I said a prayer for Nathan.  I was hopeful that we would get there before he died.  But the spirit quickly told me he was going to be alright.

BJ is the Perfect Role Model

I finally posted on Facebook that my son Nathan had a massive  stroke and was not expected to live.  At this time I felt that we were going to a funeral.  Condolences poured in from everywhere.  Sara had told us she would have someone pick us up at the airport but then Mike Trolinger, Larry's nephew sent us a message on Facebook that he could pick us up at the airport.  That was a huge blessing.  Maren's flight came in about the same time and so he ended up taking the four of us and all our luggage to the hospital.  He had brought his truck so there was room for all the luggage and Maren and Kirsten took turns sitting on each others laps as we traveled.

Mike took us to the hospital and waited for us as we visited with Sara and then took us to her house.  I was worried about how late we were keeping him up but he said that his usual shift was from 4p.m.-2 a.m. so I relaxed after that. We got to the hospital at about Midnight and wandered around with a cleaning lady who thought she knew where we wanted to go for about a half hour.  She took us to two different places before we found the right ICU that he was in about 12:30 a.m..  Nathan was sedated so he did not respond that night. It was hard to see him with all the tubes and machines on him and I longed to here him say, "Hello Mama" like he had so many times before but he could not have talked if he could with all the tubes down his throat. Sara spent the night at the hospital.  Even though she had told us that they had a bad fight on Friday night to the point that Nathan was taken to the jail by police and when he came home he had a head ache and started throwing up.  She said that she had asked a friend to take him to the hospital and then she had fallen asleep with Maggie.  She woke up to the hospital calling her and letting her know that Nathan had been admitted.  There seemed to be a lot of holes in the story that would later be filled in but for the moment she wanted to be with him.

Maren rolling her eyes because she didn't feel attractive
 enough to be having a picture taken and Max,
Max added a lighter mood to everything
but Maggie was not sure she wanted another baby there.

We went home and went to sleep. We were all hungry so we were thrilled when Sara said that there was food in the refrigerator from the Relief Society.  More than once during this ordeal I heard someone say "thank heaven for the Relief Society".  We pulled out the pulled pork and other things and enjoyed a sumptuous meal at about 1:00 a.m. in the morning. It was the first time that we had seen their new house except on Skype so we took a tour of the house before we settled down.

I was embarrassed that Larry wanted to sleep in Nathan and Sara's bed because Sara had told us her father and his wife were coming.  There were several air mattresses set up in the family room and Maggie's bed was by that.  I felt like they should have the bedroom downstairs so they would not have to be in the middle of our family.  Larry insisted though so we slept for one night.  Luckily Frank and Kay did not get there that night.  So I was relieved but I felt even better when Larry moved all of our luggage up to Maggie's room so we didn't have to make them go there.  I was surprised how good the bed was and I slept well each night until the last night and so did Larry.

Maggie and Sara at the restaurant Wednesday night

The first night it was just Kirsten, Maren with Max and Larry and I.  That morning Jacob texted that he was in a traffic jam in Austin.  Before we got ready to go to the hospital he was texting us to know which entrance to the Hospital he was supposed to use.  So he got there before we did that day and to our surprise he had brought his oldest daughter Lexie with him.  It was fun to have her there as well as Jacob.  B.J. had got a flight but would not be in until later that afternoon.  Erick had stayed home because he did not want to remember him as he was and he said that he would come down for the funeral.

Erick, BJ and Maren  Max is there somewhere

Jake and Lexie

When we got to the hospital room the doctors where there updating Sara on his condition.  They told us to go in and be by her.  They talked about his present condition.  I don't remember much of what they said but when they asked for questions I asked them why we were here.  We had understood it was to tell him good bye before he died but they were painting a picture of recovery.  Also Sara had said that he had an advanced directive that he did not want to be kept alive on a respirator and so she and we were worried about how long before that kicked in. She said that she was not ready to go there. The doctor said that we were there to help Nathan.  That having people there would give him a will to live.  They emphasized that he could still die at anytime but they were not going to worry about the respirator until further down the road.  They also said that the next 5 days would be critical because of the possibility of swelling in the brain and that in two weeks they would know better what to expect.  For awhile they seemed to be kicking around the magic number of two weeks before they would know what to do. Sara had a friend Melinda Steadam that was there also and was asking all kinds of questions of the doctors. At first I was a little resentful of her being there but I soon grew to appreciate her and what she had to offer.

Kirsten and June at the restaurant

After the doctors left we went to his bedside.  I don't really remember everything that happened but I do remember that Sara opened his eyelids and asked him to roll his eyeballs if he wanted something.  I think that he did.  He moved his right hand some but they had it tied down so he would not pull out the breathing and feeding tubes.  At this time he had IV's in his hands to feed him and give him medicine.  When we told him we were there he started to show some emotion like trying to cry and his face and veins were very red and bulged.  Later when we told the neurologist that he was showing emotion he said that was a good sign because that indicated higher order thinking skills.  Even though they kept telling us that he was very critical I knew that he was going to be okay because they spirit had told me so.  At the same time I had claustrophobia at the thought of how it must feel to him.  I prayed often for the spirit to help him endure.

Erick in the kitchen

The Relief Society came and brought lunch for us but it was a lot of things that Larry and I could not eat on Weight Watcher's.  I should not have been so picky but I was trying to be true to my diet at this time.  We ended up drinking a lot of diet doctor pepper that week.  However I complained to Maren and she told the Relief Society President we were on weight watchers and they had a lot of fruits and vegetables the rest of the week I felt bad all week that she had told them but I guess I should have been the one to say something.

Sammy playing angry birds with his angry bird hat on.

Then the Relief Society ladies continued to stay all day.  Only two people could go into see him in ICU so I began to feel resentful.  I knew that I should not feel that way and I knew that they were just trying to help but it bugged me that they were staying for so long.  I think I learned then that sometimes I just like to be by myself to work through my grief.  One of the ladies with the Relief Society had a father that had suffered a stroke when she was ten and she was not happy that he had lived and refused to die. He wasn't very functional.  I think that helped but it made me anxious that maybe Nathan would live and not be able to do anything.  About 6:00 p.m. I asked Larry to take a walk with me so I could vent my frustrations.  He listened to me and then told me that he understood but they were just trying to help.

Maren talking to Sara's friend Melinda Steadam in the Hospital
Waiting Room outside ICU

John and Judy, Larry's sister and her husband had called and said that they were coming in the afternoon on Monday but they called later and said it would be the next day.

Jacob said that he had cried for him when he came in and told him, "what was he doing in this bed, he was supposed to be showing him San Antonio".  Later he cried about a lot of things that we would say.  I think that was the only emotion that he could show.  He would cry when we told him something good and he would cry when we told him something sad.  At times he seemed to be crying because of frustration but at least he was alive and crying.  It never occurred to me that he would not survive after that even though the doctors continured to assert that he could die any time.

Sara with Kay waiting to go back into see Nathan after they
finished working on him in the waiting room.

He had a fever the first few days and they were constantly trying to get the temperature down so they would put him in various contraptions designed to reduce his temperature.  The first one was a body wrap type thing.  He looked so miserable in it.  He was just shivering violently.  Sara finally asked them to take it off.  They took it off and he quit shivering but they still continued to use other devises to keep his temperature down and he would shiver and then they would stop for a while.

I talked to Erick for a while on Monday and told him what the doctor said about we were there to help Nathan.  One of the reasons he had stayed home he said was because Heather did not feel good so he said he would talk to Heather.  The next thing we know Heather is calling us telling us he will be in on the Tuesday evening flight.  It was kind of bittersweet to have all of my biological children under one roof.  We had some good times but it was also draining emotionally.

Sara's Father Frank Roberts and Kirsten waiting

I had to deal with the fact that I had to trust Sara to take care of him when she had been trying to leave the relationship.  Maren told me that I needed to forgive Sara and I knew that I had to but I was frustrated to gradually learn how much their relationship had deteriorated. The one doctor told me that this kind of stroke can be caused by something as simple as sit ups and  I wondered if something could have happened during the fight that caused it or if something happened when they took him to the police station.  And I still didn't understand why Sara would get someone else to take him to the hospital.  It made me mad that Maren could not listen to how I was feeling instead of telling me to take the higher road.  I got mad and lost it for a while.  Then the boys got back from the hospital so that quieted me for the night.  I realized that Maren was just doing to me what I usually do to them when they call to vent so I learned that I should listen more and quit trying to make them take the high road. We talked an made up the next day.

Lexie and Larry waiting

Judy and John had to go back to Ingram the day we went to the movie so Larry went home with them for the evening.  He had a good time visiting them and going to the Fredricksburg Family Search Center where Judy works.  He did okay but it was a miracle because he did not take his CPAP or any of the medicines that he usually takes.  I was surprised that he did not get sick but he didn't.  I told him it was his fault that I lost it because I did not have him to vent to.  He laughed.

Sara got good news during all of this.  Because Nathan was on active duty military orders she will have a paycheck until he is  better and if he does not get better she will have his retirement.  His medical bills will all be covered and he will be treated as a wounded soldier.  Sara can have us flown down if she needs our help once or twice a month.  Which is great for me because we are short on money right now.


Kirsten and Maren spent a lot of time with the kids and planned a few trips to do fun things while we were there.  One afternoon we went to the movies with the kids and bought treats for them.  I went with them that time.  Another night we all went to dinner with Sara's family and her parents.  One of the last evenings there they all went to the river walk in San Antonio to show it to the kids and Erick as Erick had never been there.  By the time they had done all this the kids were adoring them and having a good time.  Maggie grew especially attached to Kirsten and did not what her to leave the last day.

Nathan made little improvements each day.  He began to be able to open his eyelids for yes instead of someone opening them for him.  They began to not worry so much about his temperature and his skull swelling.  On Thursday we had a meeting with the doctor's.  They explained that Nathan had locked in syndrome.  One of the Dr.s Frey had told me earlier in the week that was the worst case senerio.  Essentially it means that he has a functioning mind inside a body that does not function.  Sara had been prepared for this by a friend at the hospital that had told her that was what was in his chart but I was upset because he had told Sara that because she was upset after hearing that. I felt like he was wrong then here in the meeting after what the doctor said  I was a little shocked because I had been told that was worst case scenario and now they were telling us that is what he had.  They talked about options and heard from several different kinds of doctors.  They talked about how Sara would have to make a decision on where  to take him for rehabilitation.  At the time she was against the VA because Nathan had a bad experience there with his employment and she didn't think that would work for him. But as she investigated it turned out to be the best place for him in San Antonio.  After the meeting I was a little depressed for a few days.  I knew that the spirit had told me that this was for the good of their family but it was a lot to absorb in a short time.

Before we all left we got together as a family and the men all helped in giving Nathan a blessing with Erick as the mouth.  He was told that this was for his good and the good of his family.  He was told that he would not be healed immediately but he would be healed with "some problems"  As time has gone on the spirit has let me know the reasons for the way of healing.  It will help their family to heal and learn to love each other again.

Larry in a bow tie for Nathan

Jacob started leaving on Thursday and we gradually all went home by Sunday.  They started to get the tubes out of his mouth on Sunday when they did a tracheotomy in the morning and put a feeding tube in the next afternoon.  He was breathing on his own but they wanted him to have oxygen still so he had a CPAP type of assisting device.  I did not want to go.  Sara needed so much help but I realized that I needed to let the Relief Society help while they could and that I needed to get home and do what I do at home.

Sunday was an exciting day.  People had got on Facebook and encouraged everyone to fast for Nathan and to wear bow ties in honor of Nathan because he always wore bow ties.  It was so fun to see all the people come into Nathan's ward with bow ties on.  Larry wore one of Nathan's bow ties and I wore a ring and a pair of earrings that were like bows.  Many people posted pictures of them wearing bowties on Facebook for Sara to see.  When we told Nathan he cried.

Kirsten and I had a good talk together on the way home which helped me to understand that Sara was not home when Nathan came home with a headache from jail. He contacted her by phone. She was afraid to come home after the fight so she called around to members of the ward to see if someone would take him to the hospital. I wonder why he did not just call a taxi like he did coming home from jail. She thought he was just messing with her to try to get her home.  She said he had the headache in jail so she wondered if it started Friday night when he got so upset because he had never been so mad.  When he got home he started throwing up but she thought he had just a stomach flu.  She eventually found someone to take him and he went and stayed there until Nathan had a seizure and they admitted him to the hospital.  The ward member tried to get hold of Sara but her phone was on silent so she did not hear it.  The next morning she heard the phone at 5:00 am.  It was the hospital calling asking her if she knew that her husband had been admitted.  She felt terribly guilty then.  Shortly after that was when she called me.  It doesn't matter now and we can't go back but I wonder if he would have been able to go to the hospital sooner if he would have been spared some of the problems with the new drug they have.  Although I feel like this is a blessing given from Heaven in answer to our prayers for Nathan and Sara and their family.

Kirsten rented the "Diving Bell and the Butterfly" a movie about a man who wrote a book about how he felt with locked in syndrome.  She was able to watch it but I continued to have anxiety about how Nathan was feeling.  I could only watch about 3 minutes of it and it gave me anxiety.  I had anxiety all week after we got back.  The only way I could get comfort is to pray that Nathan would be comforted and that he would not have anxiety like I did.  Eventually I had to ask Larry to give me a blessing.  I have felt better since then.  But I knew that I had to go back soon so that I could see how Nathan was doing.  Sara was posting some negative things that were happening in the hospital 

 

and I needed to see him again to see how he was doing.

Monday the 8th of May Sara had me flown down for 4 days.  When I saw him I knew that he was better even though he had had pneumonia all week and was still recovering from that.  His eyes looked better and he seemed to be learning how to communicate.  On Tuesday they transferred him to the VA Polytrauma center about a half-hour northwest of the hospital. 

John and Judy came down to see me and Nathan again.  It was scary the first time I had to drive to the VA but Sara and John and Judy both gave me instructions and I eventually found the place.  As I watched the different types of therapists work on him the next day I felt joy realizing that they could help him bring back what was lost.

As of tonight he can shake his head for no and yes.  He can sit up in a wheelchair.  He is being evaluated to see what he can do.  They are helping him move his muscles hoping to heal the connection that control the things he needs to do like comb his hair and wash his face.  They are getting him outside in the wheelchair and he likes that.  He has a machine that they are trying to help him learn to use to communicate on the computer with his eyes.  He can smile and laugh at jokes.  Definitely simple things and he has a long way to go but they give us hope.  Everyday I now thank my Heavenly Father for the blessing I have that my body responds to the commands that my brain starts.