It has been a rough month. Larry had his surgery on the 13th of January and was in the hospital for about 5 days. The surgery went well and he was well taken care of in the ICU.
Our Granddaughter Taylor Hayford was in the Primary Children's medical center for a while with RSV. She was very sick. Now that she is home the doctors do not want her to go back to school until April so she doesn't get sick again because of her weak heart so Kirsten is having a learning experience about how to work and take care of a sick daughter. It is frustrating when all you can do is pray but sometimes that works better than anything I could do.
Meanwhile the doctor had given me diazapan for my neck which I found out was Valium after I could not take the baclafen. The neck pain went away but I was so tired. It literally hurt to sit up I wanted to sleep all the time but I had to help Nathan with a few things and I had to go to the hospital each day and be with Larry. When Larry came home it was torture to try to help him and Nathan do anything and I wanted to cry all the time, but the neck pain was gone.
After seeing my oncologist he ordered an MRI and a PET Scan for my neck to see if it was related to my cancer or the medications. I had the MRI before Larry went into the hospital but he was home before I got the results of the MRI. It showed that I did not have any cancer there. That was the good news. It also showed that I had arthritis in my spine about where the pain in my neck was also inflamed. The doctor told me that I could get a shot in my neck to help with the inflammation. I was so wiped out that this was wonderful news. I immediately quit taking the Valium. I figured that if the pain returned at least I could function. I felt so much better and that has been about two weeks ago and the pain has not returned. To me it is a miracle. Perhaps some would be able to explain it but I have not had the shot and I am not in pain and I am able to function better so I can help Larry and Nathan.
Unfortunately we did not understand that when Larry lifted up on the bed to get himself up that he was lifting his whole weight and he was not to lift more than 10 lbs. After doing this for about a week he started to hear a clicking in his chest and it hurt so I called the Nurse Practitioner and they had me bring him in on the 26th of January. He had broken two or three of the metal clamps that was holding his sternum together. They said that it would probably heal but that he would have to be more careful. We spent the rest of the week trying to help him understand what restrictions he had and what he would have to do to get out of bed. One day he decided to sit by me on the small love seat we have. When I tried to lift him up his feet slipped and he went almost to the floor. I was able to ease him back to the love seat but had to call our home teacher to help me lift him.
During the week as my stress level grew I messaged a friend, Carol Vincent, that is having to be a caregiver to her husband who has alzheimers. We agreed to talk on Tuesday. It helped so much to talk to her because she moved to Texas to while she was a caregiver and had troubles finding doctors and such and talking to her helped to relieve much of the stress that I was feeling at the time.
Nathan's kids came the first weekend of the month. Sara had been sick the week before they came and Maggie was coughing and David was sick. Larry stayed in his room to avoid the kids because of the germs but I was able to help Nathan with the kids. We made cookies and had Pizza and such. The kids seemed to have a good time. Nathan and David and Maggie stayed home from church with Larry while I took Sammy and Isaac to church. It was good to be in church and gave me some uplift. I also had a chance to talk to Sammy about how to get answers to prayers. I know that it seems selfish to talk about how hard it was for me but I was really overwhelmed because I was the only one that could help most of the time. But, I was able to accomplish much thanks to the Lord. I love the kids and so far Larry has not been sick.
Sunday night the 4th of February after I took the kids home Larry did not seem well but we went to bed hoping that sleep would help. We both woke about 2:00 a.m. Larry was having problems breathing. At first he wanted to just try to sleep sitting up more. I was frustrated that we did not have a recliner that he could sleep in and sitting up with pillows did not work in our bed. I read the paper that they sent home and they said that if you were having severe trouble breathing that you should call 911 or go to the emergency room. Larry was afraid that if I called 911 they would not take him to the VA Hospital so I told him that I could drive him to the VA Emergency room. I was panicked that he would have problems breathing without his oxygen
but I was so embarrassed that I did not know how to help set it up and
he had to tell me. It took us about 20 minutes to dress and leave at 2:45 a.m. Larry was good with the oxygen but I was so frustrated that it takes 35 minutes to drive to the VA from where we live. When we got there they took him in immediately and diagnosed him with problems with his congestive heart failure. He had gained 9 lbs from the morning before and had trouble breathing because of the liquid around his heart and in his lungs. They said that he would have to probably stay overnight in the ER but when he was admitted in the room the doctors said that he would need to loose 18 lbs of water before he could go home. He ended up being there until Thursday afternoon.
John and Judy came over on Monday afternoon. It was good to have someone to talk to that day and to know that they would visit Larry in the morning also so I could sleep a little. I finally went home on Monday afternoon about 4:00 p.m. and I was tired! I told Heavenly Father that I needed someone to talk to. Nathan was good to listen as we ate but I was still stressed. That evening after I ate a friend in Utah, Marsha Hazelbaker, texted me to see how I was doing and wanted to know how I was doing and if she could call sometime. I said how about now. It was an answer to my prayer and we ended up talking about 2 hours and it helped so much. We had a good talk.
John and Judy went home on Tuesday afternoon. They have their own problems to deal with this week as it appears that John's cancer is returning. He has a test this week.
I had a PET Scan on Thursday and an appointment for labs with my oncologist so I was hoping that Larry would be released on Wednesday or Friday but of course that did not happen. I was so super stressed that morning that I just felt overwhelmed even though the doctors at the hospital were understanding about me not being able to pick Larry up until 2:00 p.m. Carol Vincent sent me a text while I was in the waiting room asking me to call her when I got Larry settled. I agreed. It helped so much but when I got into the PET Scan there was so much quiet time during the two hours and I was able to lay down most of the time so my stress just melted away. Since then I have been able to function better. Part of that is because Larry came home feeling so much better. I really think that despite the hardship of having to travel to the VA everyday that his hospitalization helped not only him but me. I am not a good nurse and I was freaking out not knowing how to help him about half of the time. When he came home he has not needed as much physical help.
Friday we had to go to the VA again because Larry left the cord to his C-Pap machine. He was feeling so good that he thought that he would not need a wheelchair but after having to walk several places looking for it and finally having to go and get a new one we had to call for an escort to bring him a wheelchair for the rest of the trip. Fortunately he was able to get their last cord to the C-Pap machine that he has and so he has been able to sleep much better.
Larry felt so good that he decided to go to Sacrament meeting today. We just went for the one meeting and at the end of that he was very tired and sore so we all went home. Nathan has been very tired lately and I don't know if I should worry about it or not. He has always complained about being tired even before the stroke but he doesn't act like he feels good either. He says that I shouldn't bother him about going to the doctor for a check up so I just try to sympathize with him.
Sorry to vent so much but I am learning that caregiving is harder than being sick sometimes. But I will be okay. Heavenly Father has my back and is helping me.
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